Tannoy

After searching far and wide, Two Point Studios were unable to find the original voice actress of the tannoy from Theme Hospital. So the new voice of the tannoy is Jayne Webley.

Jayne Webley works support at Two Point Studios and is wife of Co-Founder Mark Webley.

The tannoy says many things for comedy purposes, but also informs you of important happenings in the hospital.

Announcement Quotes

 * 'Persons found taking up bench space with unorthodox sitting methods will be asked to leave, or stand.'
 * 'In the event of a fire, please leave the building.'
 * 'To the owner of the blueish car. Your car is being taken for crushing. That's a blueish car for crushing. Thank you.'
 * 'Please be aware. Not being aware costs lives.'
 * 'Announcement! Pretending your doctor is better than they are may aid recovery.'
 * 'We hope you've enjoyed your stay, but not so much that you don't leave… please, eventually leave.'
 * 'If anyone has seen my pen. Please, return my pen. Thank you.'
 * 'Staff facilities are out of bounds for all patients and some staff. Thank you.'
 * 'Attention! Will all visitors please talk silently.'
 * 'Please be vigilant.'
 * 'Attention! Please lower your expectations.'
 * 'Don't interact with other patients, you don't know where they've been.'
 * 'Doctor-Patient confidentiality is not practised in this hospital.'
 * 'Lost and found report: ham sandwich, partially eaten.'
 * 'We are sorry for the litter you dropped on our floor.'
 * 'Don't forget to tip your doctor.'
 * 'Don't forget to tip your nurse.'
 * 'Players are reminded to stay hydrated.'
 * 'Those unable to find the hospital will not be considered patients.'
 * 'Please respect the hospital grounds, no unauthorised digging.'
 * 'Announcement! Try not to die.'
 * 'Please look out for invisible and potentially lethal diseases.'
 * 'Register your body for compost a patient today, help the grass be greener from the other side.'
 * 'In the event of an epidemic please try not to panic.'
 * 'Announcement! It's happening again.'
 * 'No Sleeping in the corridors.'
 * 'If you see anything suspicious, please investigate further.'
 * 'Have a snack, we'll be right back.'
 * 'Unattended bags will be taken home by staff.'
 * 'No money, no treatment.'
 * 'Any suspicious objects should be poked with a special stick.'
 * 'In case of staff shortage please contact a member of staff.'
 * 'In the event of an earthquake please stay still.'
 * 'Warning! Those abusing hospital facilities are henceforth to be considered organ donors.'
 * 'Please leave toilets as you would hope to find them, not as you would expect to find them.'
 * 'VIP Arriving. Please Prioritise their amusement over patient well-being'
 * 'Your comfort is important to us. Please try and be comfortable.'
 * 'Lost and Found Report! Glass eye. Brown.'
 * 'Fire test! Please pretend there's a fire.'
 * 'Hospital item report. Machine cog. Use: unspecified'
 * 'No pillaging please'
 * 'Lost and Found report: Green sock, medium to large hole.'
 * 'In the event of an epidemic, please try not to breathe.'
 * 'Attention! Urinating anywhere in the hospital will not be tolerated.'
 * 'Attention! Please use the toilets provided.'
 * 'Anything deposited in a bin is now hospital property. No rummaging!'
 * 'Join me in welcoming, the Mayor to the hospital.'
 * 'In the event of a fire, please run for your lives.'
 * 'Don't mind me, I just like talking into a microphone.'
 * 'No soiling the hospital.'
 * 'The fauna are reminded not to disturb the flora.'
 * 'Going to the loo, lose your place in the queue.'
 * 'The reporter from Two Point Radio has arrived.'
 * 'Litterers will take the place of their rubbish in the bin.'
 * 'Popstar now visiting the hospital.'
 * 'All prices are set at the discretion and greed of the hospital administrator.'
 * 'Could all germs please leave the hospital.'
 * 'It's possible you're the only one hearing this… Hello!'
 * 'Please go to the toilet before potentially fatal treatment, rather than after.'
 * 'Prices are not negotiable.'
 * 'Now taking applications for new P.A. announcer.'
 * 'All personalized artwork should be tasteful and above-board.'
 * 'Sound check! … Did that work?'
 * 'Curing Spree.'
 * 'Take a seat, get off those feet.'
 * 'Announcement. Please don't compare treatment prices online.'
 * 'Anyone feel like someone's watching?'
 * 'Announcement! Oh, nothing.'
 * 'If you have questions, first ask yourself why that might be.'
 * 'Regular breathing helps prevent stress, cloudy thoughts, and death.'
 * 'There are no announcements at this time.'
 * 'Attention! Please don't look directly at the camera.'
 * 'Attention! Please urinate accurately.'
 * 'Undercover Journalist approaching the hospital.'
 * 'Between treatments, why not buy something?'
 * 'Do you ever feel like someone's watching?'
 * 'Please drive home safely. And soon.'
 * 'This hospital does not offer monetary support.'
 * 'If you smell something suspicious, please fill out form 3-7-B.'
 * 'I get paid to announce. Not to hear you complain.'
 * 'Please go online to rate and review the hospital.'
 * 'All food and drink are here for commercial reasons and may not promote further life.'
 * 'Those unable to find the hospital will not be considered patients.'
 * 'Somebody important is arriving.'
 * 'Please clean up after yourselves and others.'
 * 'Attention! Could any loose Kudosh please be handed in at reception. Thank you.'
 * 'Has anyone seen my body? No? Me neither.'
 * 'Curing spree!' (Topless Mountain only)

Patient Announcement Quotes

 * 'Patient announcement! Please don't ask how our machines work, as, we are not exactly sure.'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to have dark thoughts.'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to think about it.'
 * 'Patients are reminded to avoid death when possible.'
 * 'Could patients please stop coughing.'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to believe in ghosts.'
 * 'Some patients should be ashamed of their condition, you know who you are.'
 * 'Cured patients should leave the hospital before they catch something else.'
 * 'To all patients with no money, you are now discharged.'
 * 'Patients are reminded that this is a workplace, not a theme park.'
 * 'Unattended patients may be removed and destroyed.'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to be sick.'
 * 'Patients should wash their hands at all times.'
 * 'May we request that all our patients kindly get out.'
 * 'Patients are asked to wait their turn.'
 * 'Patients asking about our safety measures are kindly asked not to.'
 * 'Could patients try to behave like human beings? That means you.'
 * 'Patients should seem less sick, and more cured during the Health Inspector's visit.'
 * 'Quality of treatment may depend on patient behaviour.'
 * 'Patients are asked to be endearing sick, not disgusting sick.'
 * 'Returning patients and their chronic conditions are welcomed back to the hospital.'
 * 'Patients should keep hunches to themselves.'
 * 'Patients are asked to get better or expire. No fluctuating.'
 * 'Patient to treatment. That's patient to treatment.'
 * 'Patients who leave negative reviews will be targeted and personally.'
 * 'Patients are reminded to stay away from the light.'
 * 'Patients are not permitted to sleep in Ward beds. We're busy. Recover at home.'
 * 'Patients, may not be able to take money with them.'
 * 'Ooh, would you believe a patient is storming out...!'
 * 'Patients are reminded not to spread diseases.'
 * 'Patients found abusing hospital facilities will henceforth be considered organ donors.'
 * 'Patients are reminded that we hope to see you again.'
 * 'Patients are responsible for their own amusement.'
 * 'Deceased patients are reminded that there's nothing here for them now.'
 * 'Thank you for choosing us for your injury, illness or death.'

Staff Announcement Quote

 * 'Doctor required in [Any Doctor room]' (Variations include "Calling Doctor" and "Would a Doctor please report to")
 * 'Nurse required in [Any Nurse room]' (Variations include "Calling Nurse" and "Would a Nurse please report to")
 * 'Assistant to [Any Assistant area]' (Mainly Reception or Marketing)
 * 'Doctor, please come out. You've won.'
 * 'Staff are reminded to wear clothes assigned to them.'
 * 'Staff are reminded to be good value.''
 * 'Staff are reminded to get back to work.'
 * 'Staff are reminded not to laugh at patients whilst they are present. Thank you.'
 * 'Doctor Honeydew needed in Research.'
 * 'Staff are reminded that this isn't a laughing matter.'
 * 'Training course complete! Class dismissed.'
 * 'Janitors should clean and repair, not harbour secret ambitions.'
 * 'Staff should not grow attached to patients.'
 * 'Nurse wanted on the Ward.'
 * 'Doc Brown to the roof please. Doc Brown to the roof.'
 * 'Staff are asked to seem qualified.'
 * 'We're missing a doctor. White coat, average height, answers to "Doctor"'

Maintenance Announcement Quotes

 * 'Maintenance Announcement! Any medical waste should be disposed of immediately.'
 * 'Maintenance Announcement! Automated snack machines need restocking, manually.'
 * 'Maintenance Announcement! Plants need water.'
 * 'Maintenance Announcement! It's better for all of us if toilets are serviced regularly.'
 * 'Warning, try not to slip in the sick' (Announced when a puddle has not yet been cleaned up)
 * 'Janitor please, repair Research Pod.'
 * 'Maintenance Announcement! Bins will become full'
 * 'Janitor to combat ghost please.'
 * 'Janitor to repair [Any Equipment]'
 * 'Time spent worrying about pay is time that could be spent working.'
 * 'Hospital equipment has exploded.'
 * 'Machine has exploded.'

Emergency Announcement Quotes

 * 'Fire Test! There's really a Fire. That's the test…'
 * 'Warning! Epidemic in the hospital, please stay tuned.'
 * 'Warning! An Epidemic has broken out in the hospital.'
 * 'Warning! Epidemic Outbreak.'
 * 'Earthquake warning! That isn't your medication.'
 * 'Warning! Seismic activity detected.'
 * 'There's a Fire! There shouldn't be a fire…'
 * 'Earthquake warning! Staff should secure patients before they secure themselves.'
 * ' Fire in the hospital. Thought you ought to know'
 * 'Warning! Earthquake imminent.'
 * 'Warning! The hospital is on Fire.'
 * 'Hospital Equipment has exploded.'
 * 'Epidemic dealt with! Thank you for your cooperation.'
 * 'Quarantine was unsuccessful. Disease Control are handling the situation.' (Fail to treat an epidemic)
 * 'An Epidemic has ravaged the hospital.'
 * 'Epidemic contained! Well done everyone.'
 * 'Epidemic subdued. As you were.'
 * 'Epidemic over. Disease Control will reverse.'

Ghost Quotes

 * 'Attention! Don't feed the Ghosts, they're dead. Thank you!'
 * 'Calling for a Janitor to combat Ghost please.'
 * 'A Ghost has been sighted in the hospital.'
 * 'Clean up required! Dead patient in the corridor.'
 * 'Former patients are asked not to haunt the hospital.'
 * 'The hospital may well be haunted.'
 * 'Deceased patients are reminded that there's nothing here for them now.'