Flavour Text

As a comedy game, there is a huge amount of enjoyable writing throughout the game. Flavour text will be collected here

Hiring Screen
Every potential staff member will have their traits listed, along with an additional line for fun.
 * A means to an end.
 * Tends to notice Fireworks.
 * Season ticket holder at The Sloop.
 * Has an opening for the role of 'Best Friend.'
 * Has seen 'that' show.
 * Hasn't owned a pencil.
 * Has never used a calendar the way they'd hoped to.
 * Has a good handshake.
 * Tired of buying shorts.
 * Befriends quadrupeds.
 * 'Invented' a new kind of casserole.
 * Never inhaled.
 * Never gotten lost.
 * Better at knitting than you'd think.
 * Used to fish as a child, hasn't since.
 * Has a bad feeling.
 * People LOVE them!
 * Master of assonance.
 * Needs to look in the mirror.
 * Sleep gallops.
 * A proficient user of the alphabet.
 * Holds the U14 long jump record.
 * Tends to notice fireworks.
 * Doesn't remember that night.
 * Appreciates the little things.
 * Their loved ones resent them.
 * Has a passion for domestic woodwork.
 * Regrets their choice of bathroom tile.
 * Thrives when falling from a great height.
 * Has lost count.
 * Has the potential to develop an effective mid-range game.
 * Leaves the bag in.
 * Former TV chef.
 * Eats pasta disgracefully.
 * Understands digital memory to an extent.
 * Vomits on impact.
 * Dances like tomorrow is a real possibility.
 * More bacon than eggs.
 * Generally dubious.
 * Time Control (through scheduling).
 * Catches frisbees 'dog style'.
 * Bath > Shower.
 * A talented skimmer of stones.
 * Level 2 Orbling.
 * Loves stationery.
 * Appreciates a glass of something.
 * The friend that brings crisps.
 * Wrote a book about staplers.
 * Knows where the party's at.
 * Savoury > Sweet.
 * Loves peeled food.
 * Buries food for later.
 * Good downfield vision.
 * Read a book once.
 * Still loves plot twist.
 * Knows how to swim.
 * Sleeps on the floor.
 * Admires anyone that can whittle.
 * Owns a crossbow.
 * Loves to chew.
 * Doesn't know what they're doing.
 * Unphased and unmotivated by pressure.
 * Has a favourite type of marmalade.
 * A real treat on picnics.
 * Great at bedtime stories.
 * Well read.
 * Part-time living toom gymnast.
 * Always has the right batteries.
 * Was raised on a farm.
 * A real fan of waterborne mammals.
 * Consistently fails to get a grip.
 * Experiences bakery induced shame.
 * Startled by fog.
 * Can define "conifer".
 * Morally ambiguous.
 * Thinks cartons are bad.
 * Thinks they aren't photogenic.
 * Likes to take the stairs.
 * Double jump.
 * A competent player of spin.
 * Collects limited editions of Burp!
 * Doesn't have an internet presence.
 * Has good memories.
 * Questions the point of it all.
 * Doubts you care.

Firing Staff
A member of staff whose job is on the line will make a last-ditch attempt to get the player to desist, via a guilt trip.
 * "My mother was so proud of me for getting this job, now I won't be able to look at her in the face."
 * "I just tattooed this hospital on my back, now whenever someone sees it they'll be reminded of what a failure I am."
 * "This job was all I had, the other staff are like the family I used to have until I misplaced them."
 * "I run a charity that gives baby seals the Christmas they deserve. It looks like Christmas is cancelled for the baby seals this year..."
 * "I moved my family here for this job, now, whenever I see our house, a moving-van, or a map that includes this area of the County, I'll be tormented by my inability to succeed."
 * "I'm trying to put my uncle through butlering school. Do you know how much that costs? Neither do I, I really should check."
 * "If I lose this job, I'll have to set free all of my swans."
 * "I'm incredibly wealthy, but losing this job would force me to become slightly less extravagant. How could you do that to someone?"
 * "I guess I'll have to sell those antique icing bags that my great grandmother left me..."
 * "I just took out a mortgage, why must I be constantly punished for trying to aspire to the life that society has established as an ideal."
 * "First that stain on my jeans, now this. Wow. What a week."
 * "Hmm. Okay, well, I had become pretty dependant on the money you were paying me. Will I continue to receive the money, once I've been fired?"
 * "Great. I've got a poorly badger and two mothers to feed."
 * "My children won't be thrilled with this. I regret having so many of them."
 * "Oh man, I'd really started to get fond of eating."
 * "My family give me a hard time as it is. Perfect. They're going to love this."
 * "It's because I took all that medicine, isn't it?"
 * "I shouldn't have spent all that time volunteering. If only I'd been more self-centred."
 * "I have a feeling my husband was on the cusp of leaving me. This will do it I reckon."
 * "My estranged sister got back in touch after she found out I had this job. Now our relationship will, surely, crumble again."
 * "During my time here, I finally managed to find some self-worth. I can already feel it fading."
 * "My friends have a pool going on when I'm next going to get fired. How does Dennis keep getting it right?"
 * "Give me one good reaso- Oh right, yeah. Fair enough, then."
 * "If you think I wasn't good at my job, maybe you have a point; but, I bring so much more to the table than that."
 * "If you think I wasn't good at my job, maybe you have a point; but, I bring so much more to the table than that."
 * "I think you should know. Most of the respect I had for you, has now been replaced with loathing."
 * "My dad only had one rule: ‘Don't humiliate the family'. Well, sorry dad."
 * "A psychic told me this would happen. So, well done. Now I believe in that stuff. Great job."
 * "This place will grind to a halt without me! Probably..."
 * "I could barely afford to feed all those gibbons as it is. They are going to be furious."
 * "Now I have more time to sit at home, in silence, slowly but surely piling up debt."